Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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