i already hear my dad disowning me
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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