So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize