Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
