There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
