Just mADE A PArabola og urine
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Mom said you looked used
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Randomize
