Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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