It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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