Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
