If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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