Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
