the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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