i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
