the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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