I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
