so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Can I color on your dick again?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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