You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
