if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
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