whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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