The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
