please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
