love makes seman taste better
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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