I need to stop coming to work sober
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
