I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
