My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
