ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
