He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
