Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
