you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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