The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
