dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
