My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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