we're blogging at a bar
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Randomize
