Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize