Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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