thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
