Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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