Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
