u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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