All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
