So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
