No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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