Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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