i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
