We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
