You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
