Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
