i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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