so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
