if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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