Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
