somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
