So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
