is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
