Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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