I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
