Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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