A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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