I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
