Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
