The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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