Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
