no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
