she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
