oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize