and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Green mimosas i think yes
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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