he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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