Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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