Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize