its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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