just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
