I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
