Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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