the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
