i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
