the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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