Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
