she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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