After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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