Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
